Lately I’ve been feeling skinnier than normal so I decided to hop on the scale this morning to discover that I had dropped 10 pounds in a week. In a week.
I dropped 10 pounds in a week from the most unfortunate diet in the world, anxiety.
I know that I haven’t been eating. I’ve been skipping breakfast or just eating a few pretzels or goldfish. I’ve been eating very light meals for lunch, if anything at all, and when I get home from work I can usually scarf down dinner, but it’s not as much as I used to eat. As I write this blog, I’m forcing myself to finish my lunch and it’s making me want to puke.
When I feel physically sick I don’t want to eat, and that’s what anxiety does to me. It completely destroys my appetite, usually for no reason at all. It prevents me from having normal bodily functions like a normal bowel movement, because there’s no food in me to even process, or not enough food to allow me to poop.
At this point, I really don’t know what to do. I’m lost. I’ve never been able to force myself to eat when I feel this way, and I don’t see it happening in the future. I will try, but it makes me sick. So I can either eat and be sick or not eat and be sick. I guess I should probably eat.
I never thought of myself to have any type of eating disorders, but anxiety sure the hell makes me feel like I have one. It is terrible.
I think I’m going to try to start taking St Johns Wort again to see if that helps keep my anxiety at bay and keeps my appetite. We shall see.
For now, I gotta start eating. I gotta gain those 10 pounds back, but I am going to take this opportunity to try to gain some muscle instead of fat. Wish me luck!