That New Year New Me Bullshit

Let’s talk about it!

Honestly, I know it’s dumb. I know that I should be ready to change for the better right now instead of waiting until 2018. But New Years resolutions bring a little hope, so let people have their fun!

I guess you could say that I reached my goal. Go back and read my first blog ever. All I wanted was to be alive on 12/8/17, and clearly I was. But I’m not better, and I’m not even close to better.

Lately I’ve been feeling good, even if I haven’t been showing it. Things have been adding up and it’s been putting a lot of weight on my shoulders but I feel happier. I just need to learn to put everything that’s been going on aside and just never let it show it’s ugly head again.

I guess we should get into what’s been going on. I honestly can’t remember when the last time I wrote was, what it was about, and I didn’t go back and look before starting this. I’m pretty sure I wrote about my brother being a dick. I still want nothing to do with him, but I did see him on Christmas. It was fine but I can’t stand hypocrites. Once a year will be fine though.

My father friend requested me on Facebook. I left it alone for a couple days before declining. I just don’t know. I don’t see a benefit in having contact with him. I don’t see a benefit in him knowing what’s going on in my life. And frankly I don’t give a crap about what’s going on in his. The thing is, every time he talks to me he just wants to talk shit about what happened and about my mom. I don’t want to talk about that. I want to move past that. If you want to better your relationship with your kids, let go of the past and actually be a better father.

I’ve been avoiding the next subject for a while now. I have about 10 drafted blogs that start to talk about this but I haven’t been able to find the words to finish them. Whatever I come up with, I’m going to post.

So Joe and I got a puppy! His name is Beedle and he is about 5.5 months old. He’s a supposed golden retriever/yellow lab mix but we are confident he is something else!

I know I talked about this adoption process in an earlier blog but I can’t remember how in depth. To shorten it up, for October and November we were being lied to constantly while our puppy was being mistreated and on death row. At this point we are not sure if our original puppy is even alive.

I will eventually write up a blog about every single thing that happened, but I can’t right now.

We have our baby Beedle though. He is the smartest and sweetest pup we could’ve possibly asked for. Training him has been really easy. We are going to crack down on training and get him to where he needs to be with obedience and everything.

He has brought so much joy to my life. More than I would have ever thought possible. I am so excited to be his mommy!

This adoption brought a lot of stress to our life. We are slowly recovering, and having him in our life is helping.

We ordered a DNA test off amazon. I can’t wait to get the results! We want to take votes on breeds people think he is. It would be a fun game. We might get the result of mixed breed if he’s too much of a mutt, which he very well could be. We really have no definite on his breed!

Some ideas:

Golden Retriever

Labrador Retriever

Beagle

Bloodhound

Great Dane

Pitbull

Shepherd

Terrier

So who really knows πŸ˜‚.

All I want out of 2018 is justice for this whole ordeal and I hope I get to share that some day. Hopefully some day soon.

I feel like this is keeping me in a depressive slump. I feel generally happy but can’t shake this feeling and it’s because I can’t stop thinking about this. It’s just weighing heavy on my mind. I want to tell the world everything and I can’t.

I’m enjoying my life currently. I have a good job that is looking like it’s going to go permanent for me if I keep working like I have been. I have the most amazing boyfriend and best friend I could ever ask for. He is so supportive of everything I do and I don’t know where I’d be without him. We started a family with our little buddy Beedle. He is 150% our child and I love him so much! My absolute favorite is morning snuggles on the weekends 🐢🐾 The amount of love in my heart for Joe is overwhelming. I never thought that feeling could double. My heart is just constantly flooded with love for my little family πŸ’πŸΆπŸ’š We are doing better financially. The holidays kind of kicked our asses but I’m feeling comfortable with how things have been.

All I can hope for is that this good life transfers over into 2018. I want to continue bettering my life and enjoying it to the fullest. Happy New Year ❀️

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Day 18/19

Day 18 was Christmas. It was a very good day for the most part. 

My boyfriend and I got up pretty early to finish cleaning the house before people started showing up. We hung out at the house for a bit, had dinner with his family and opened gifts. After that we went to my sisters house for my family. We had dinner again and gave the kids their gifts. I got my niece an iPod so o set that up for her too. After my sisters house we had to go to my boyfriends friends house for their friend Christmas. This is when the day got a little bad. 

The party was supposed to start at 8. We showed up around 8:15 to a dark locked up house. After calling several people, someone finally showed up about 15-20 minutes later. Then we sat around for another hour doing nothing. So I’m in a strangers house, sitting alone in a chair, waiting around for people who don’t have the decency to show up on time ever. His friends are always late, even when they’re the ones hosting parties. They are great people, but damn just show up on time. It’s called responsibility. I don’t even understand how they hold down jobs with the way they manage time. 

I had my boyfriend drop me back off at the house because I was sick of waiting around in a strangers house alone, for people who didn’t seem to be showing up anytime soon. Turns out I wouldn’t even have gotten a secret Santa gift because one of the drunk whores never showed up. So now I’m out $20 and pissed. Never doing Christmas with his friends again. 

Yesterday was day 19. I decided to include it in this blog because I literally did nothing. Played video games and watched TV all day and it was wonderful. 
I’m hoping today is a good day. Now that Christmas is over, hopefully I’ll remember to do these on a nightly basis. 

Day 10

I can’t believe I’m on day 10 already. I feel like this year is going to go by really fast and I don’t want it to. I have so many things to look forward to. 

For starters, my birthday is in 2 days and I am super excited to be spending it in Buffalo. Me and my boyfriend are going to go up and enjoy ourselves. It’s going to be amazing!! I love our mini getaways! 

Christmas is also coming. I’m actually meeting some of my boyfriend’s family tomorrow. They live about an hour away so his family here goes down there for Christmas. It’s usually on Christmas Eve but this year Christmas Eve didn’t work for everyone. I’m excited but scared at the same time. Meeting new people is probably my least favorite thing to do. And meeting my boyfriends family is nerve wrecking to begin with. I just hope I’m not the center of attention because I’m his new girlfriend. I don’t like being the center of attention. Either way, it’s going to be fun meeting the rest of his family. I love the family I’ve already met! 

We also have a cruise planned in February. That is going to be amazing!! I need that cruise so bad! And I’m super excited to be spending it with amazing people πŸ’• and for my boyfriends birthday!

There’s just a lot to look forward to. And everyday I get to spend with my boyfriend is amazing. I seriously don’t think I’d be alive if I didn’t have him. 

Anyway, today was a decent day. I did feel sad for a little bit but it wasn’t anything major. I was able to keep it under control and it eventually went away. 

I didn’t do much today but I am going to edit pictures before bed. I am going to be at a Christmas event for my boyfriends family tomorrow and celebrating my birthday on Monday. I will try to write a blog but I kind of want to turn off my brain for a couple days. We will see if I go to day 11 or skip to day 13. 

I’ll be okay, I promise. 


If I could go back to this day I would take more pictures. I want to remember everything with the man behind this camera πŸ’•